A grey, rainy day again! It is already the last half of the month. Sorrow and grief come together, thanks to the depressing weather. It seems that negative emotions come easily when the weather is really lousy.
Look at the calendar. Today is April.19, 2016. Time passes so fast! Coincidentally, the weather today is exactly the same as it was on this date, one year ago. On that rainy day, I lost my Grandpa. It had been a while since I saw my grandpa one last time. I miss him so much, but his face starts to become cloudy. I don’t want to forget him. I try to find a picture of him, but I fail. Finally, I find a good one of him in my phone. His smile was so benign; even his wrinkles were full of love. Grandpa’s smile hardly reminds me that most of the time he was a strict and serious old man. I stare at the photo, not saying a word.
Numerous memories burst in my head. When I was a little child, grandpa seemed very tall to me. Whenever he came to pick me up from kindergarten, I had to raise my hand in order to touch and hold his hand. As I grew older, I started acting naughty. I was tired of holding his hand all the time. Once I tried to stop holding his hand, so I began crying and ran away from him because of something insignificant. As time passes, holding his hand becomes more and more difficult. I still want to hold, even grab his hand, and beg him not to leave me alone, but all I get is silence and the emptiness of my own hand.
He said, if one day in the future, I am not able to be with you anymore, let the birds, let everything in nature to be with you, then you will never be alone. But even the trees didn’t wake up from the long cold winter.
I try to use music to fill the emptiness. With music, at least I have something to be with me.
”Hey, you exist everywhere in the world! Hey, you are here! You will come back to me through the wind, through the rain.”
Tears pour from my eyes. Looking out my window with my misty eyes, I see a bird trying hard to fly through the pouring rain.
I know, I know that is you. I pick up my phone, and take a picture.